Hello pals,
Semi long time, no write. Truly this is bad of me because i’ve only written one post - how am I meant to have a blog if I never even write shit? Hopefully with a bit of luck Ill get better at this and write frequently ( said every online content creator ever, who then proceeds not to upload anything for the next few months ).
So,
University.
I had my orientation a few weeks back and just finished my first week of classes. And would you believe - Im dropping out. Yup, you heard it here first folks. One week in and Im calling it quits. I had every intention to thrive in Uni, really I did. And then throughout my final year of high school, the prospect of a gap year dug its way into my brain and much as I tried to ignore it, the desire only increased. I think mainly because I had no idea what I wanted to do and it seems like such a big decision that will effect me for the rest of my life ( partly because it is, but I wont go into that too much ) so I have to get it right the first time, right? Lets take it back to 2017.
I spent months and months digging through University websites trying to find the perfect degree for me, until I finally settled on English at Canterbury University.
It would be bloody perfect.
I would move down there and get to have that stereotypical ‘moving away for uni’ experience. I would get to live in halls in a beautiful city where I have lovely family I can see whenever I want, and go to the markets with my new Uni chums on a Sunday morning while the sun dappled the ground through the trees and we filled out baskets with all sorts of fresh fruit and hopes and dreams. Y’know, the regular run of the mill type stuff. Anyway, I went to visit with mum and do a campus tour and so on, and I loved it. I could absolutely picture myself being there and living a very content life. Except for the fact that I, someone who has struggled with extremely bad social anxiety for the past like 7 years, would be in a new and different city, living with 500 strangers with not much privacy. Slight bump in the road.
Even at this point, I still wasn’t entirely set on going to uni. But, it was something I felt ( my parents felt ) I had to do. So, I enrolled in Canterbury and hey presto, thats what I would be doing. Now not only was I not sure on the whole living in another place situation, I also wasn’t entirely content on my degree. If I majored in English, I would have to take four other subjects, and none of them really had anything to do with what I wanted to study or become. So then that subsequently fell through and on a whim I stumbled across a degree here in Auckland that seemed like the exact fit.
It would be bloody perfect.
I would get to study something that I actually thought could be interesting AND useful, all while living in the comfort of my own ( parents ) home for free AND having my first year uni fee free ( thanks Jacinda ). So basically I have a completely free first year of uni, and don’t need to take out a student loan. Bloody brilliant. I was, however, not loving it when all my friends started to trickle off across the country to uni and my instagram feed was a constant stream of toga parties and all the new friends everyone had made. ‘Don’t worry Mickie, you’ll start soon and meet your peeps’ I would try reassure myself.
It would be bloody perfect.
So, now I sit here and write about my endeavours with Uni, with my withdrawal papers sitting next to me, after a week of stress eating, sleepless nights and a fuck load of tears.
It was not bloody perfect.
After much, much consideration ( and tearful conversations with my ‘rents ), I am going to withdraw ( fancy way of saying drop out ) and try something else. What, is still yet to be decided. I am either going to study a Bachelor of Education at AUT, starting in semester two ( problem with that is that its at a different campus and low key far away ), or I am going to have the whole year off and do a Bachelor of Education at Auckland University in 2019. Guess that Gap year really wanted to show itself huh. I will work for my time remaining out of uni, and try my best not to get upset about the fact all my friends are making other friends and having all these amazing uni experiences without me. Truth be told, I will have amazing experiences out of uni on this ‘Gap year’ of sorts. I will meet people in other ways, and get to explore living rather than just studying for a change. Its going to take me a while to wrap my head around the fact that this is totally normal, and happens to so so many people. And whats one year off in the grand scheme of things? If all goes well I’ve got at least 70 to go. One isn’t going to do me much harm.
It will be bloody perfect.
( fingers crossed this time )